thoughts

ah, january...it's almost gone. this semester is going by so fast, so often i feel like if i could just get caught up and get ahead i could slow down and enjoy it, but there's so much to do. but it's still been good, though in a different way from last semester. not as much time with friends, probably mostly because we're all busy, but i miss it. i miss our sunday afternoons picnicing and our walks and stargazings. but i enjoy the willetts times and the walmart games and the "dates" with friends and the good talks. i get up earlier this semester even though i don't have classes before chapel...i have breakfast with nathaniel one morning and i go to the gym with mel another morning. it's good.

but i feel disconnected almost this semester. kinda like i keep going through the motions of life, but i like i don't talk as much now. and that's hard. i get tired, but nighttime is my talking time when i want to have deep conversation about life and God and people, but my nightime talking people don't talk to me at night anymore and i miss that alot. but it can be good too...it's starting to teach me to go to bed earlier, which can be a good thing i spose. and it's good to spend that time talking to Jesus. so much to talk to Him about right now too...

i see some of friends from growing up years..some who i never knew that well and some who were some of the best friends that i've had who are changing and who aren't seeking God. i don't understand the change. what happens that causes that? little steps away? big bad choices? what do i do to make sure that who i am isnt just the environment i live in, but that it's who i really am? it hurts to see people change, to see relationships change. some of it's good...sometimes i love change...but i don't always know how to respond to the changes that shouldn't happen. or to those people. and that hurts.

it's been a kinda nostalgic semester...certain times i used to spend talking with friends are over mostly now that those friends have moved on in life...i miss them...but it gives lots of times for thinking. a lot of good memories of lots of different years of life to think about. and the conversations i do get to have with my girls here are encouraging...so very much to enjoy in life right now and even to look forward to in the future. life is grand. i'm enjoying it. just sleepy tonight, hence the kinda melancholy post.

i like it here. =)