thoughts

ah, january...it's almost gone. this semester is going by so fast, so often i feel like if i could just get caught up and get ahead i could slow down and enjoy it, but there's so much to do. but it's still been good, though in a different way from last semester. not as much time with friends, probably mostly because we're all busy, but i miss it. i miss our sunday afternoons picnicing and our walks and stargazings. but i enjoy the willetts times and the walmart games and the "dates" with friends and the good talks. i get up earlier this semester even though i don't have classes before chapel...i have breakfast with nathaniel one morning and i go to the gym with mel another morning. it's good.

but i feel disconnected almost this semester. kinda like i keep going through the motions of life, but i like i don't talk as much now. and that's hard. i get tired, but nighttime is my talking time when i want to have deep conversation about life and God and people, but my nightime talking people don't talk to me at night anymore and i miss that alot. but it can be good too...it's starting to teach me to go to bed earlier, which can be a good thing i spose. and it's good to spend that time talking to Jesus. so much to talk to Him about right now too...

i see some of friends from growing up years..some who i never knew that well and some who were some of the best friends that i've had who are changing and who aren't seeking God. i don't understand the change. what happens that causes that? little steps away? big bad choices? what do i do to make sure that who i am isnt just the environment i live in, but that it's who i really am? it hurts to see people change, to see relationships change. some of it's good...sometimes i love change...but i don't always know how to respond to the changes that shouldn't happen. or to those people. and that hurts.

it's been a kinda nostalgic semester...certain times i used to spend talking with friends are over mostly now that those friends have moved on in life...i miss them...but it gives lots of times for thinking. a lot of good memories of lots of different years of life to think about. and the conversations i do get to have with my girls here are encouraging...so very much to enjoy in life right now and even to look forward to in the future. life is grand. i'm enjoying it. just sleepy tonight, hence the kinda melancholy post.

i like it here. =)

thanks for praying! one of the girls found my lost library books today while she was cleaning out her desk! saved me $70!...i was feeling really bad about making a stupid mistake that would waste that much money, but God provided in perfect time so that i hadn't gone to pay for them yet! hooray!
and now i can get my library privileges unsuspended. =P

how we know i'm not ready to be a mother - or a nursing major...

my roommate started feeling sick wednesday night...i never even saw her awake on thursday because she was in bed almost all day...she's been sick ever since, and this morning was the worst yet....she didn't sleep much last night and it hurt to breathe, so we had the EMT come on up this morning and he sent us over to buy her meds and they helped for a little while, but we made an ER run tonight...they got her on antibiotics so she's feeling much better now. thanks to all of you who prayed. we'd appreciate more prayer that none of the rest of us will catch any of it...i think the final diagnosis was strep throat, a sinus infection, and an ear infection or two. crazy stuff. God sent people to help at all the right times...it was an eventful day and i'm a little beat...but it's looking like the rest of the week will be a little more relaxing =).

and hey guys, it's winter! it even snowed! yay!

i smelled the smell of camp today.
it kind of makes me want to be there. actually so does talking to camp friends and family at church and quizzing.but that's what august's for i spose. and maybe even june...who knows

i'm missing two library books...i have about 6 days to find them. pray, please? much thanks.
this weekend i talked to a good friend or two who are still in high school. tomorrow i talk to one or two who are going to graduate from college and be married in about the next six months. where am I in life? good friends who are living with their parents still and good friends who are becoming parents...it's messing with my mind

ps i like it here

ah , break.
it's been good. it really does go by fast, but that's okay. i miss school friends when i'm home, but i'm content here. i tend to be happy when i'm at school and not ready for break and then i come home and i'm pretty happy here and not necessarily ready to go back.

i love to sit here by my window...it's the epitome of midwest-ness out there (except there's no cows, hmmm oh well) but i love to see it. i can see forever...just fields and fields and trees and sky...a few stray cars now and then, but it's soothing to hear them drive by. on days like today i can see the raindrops sticking to the tree branch out my window and see the puddles all around...and later in the afternoon the sun will start to go down and the sunset is gorgeous through the trees and it gives my room this golden glow....and then at night the stars will come out...theyre so bright out here....and it's all so peaceful! mountains are pretty and canyons are awesome, but theres just something serenely beautiful about midwest scenery.
hmm that was sappy.

well, i think this break has almost accomplished it's purpose....i came home really, really drained in so many ways and i'm feeling recharged. amazing what sleeping and thinking and praying and sleeping all day can do for a person. i thought of lots of questions over break...about life, and motives, and emotions, and choices. i think i even came to some conclusions. came up with some goals for next semester. we'll see what happens. it's been good to catch up on time with God over break....it's different when life's at a slower pace...gives me more time to think about what i'm learning...not at all that He doesnt teach me when life is going faster, because i definitely learn then too....i just don't get the time to sit around and ponder it like i do over breaks. it kinda reminds me of the story about Elijah about when he was waiting for God and He wasn't in the huge wind or the earthquake or the fire, but He was in the gentle whisper. not really the same thing, but it reminds me of that...the whole "Be still and know that I am God" thing i think.

it's been a good day. haven't really done much, but welcome to break =). but it was a good night. sometimes God answers prayer in ways that i don't really understand what changed, but i can tell that He changed me. and last night was like that...i had lots of random dreams haha, but i woke up with a change of heart i spose. odd huh? but good...
He is Good =), break is helpful, friends are great...life is nice. the end.

2006:

• changed my major to pscyh

• went to the ocean with the family! and thought i was gonna die cuz i dont wear sunblock...but we'll ignore that part...it was still fun.

• got to spend a week-ish with the MI cousins

• went to kids kamp and got to counsel with mandy again! our 3rd year as cabin Esther!

• went to quiz finals for probably the last time

• went to my grandpa's funeral

• got to know a lot of my extended family (my gpa's step-kids)

• went to family camp and got to watch jenna again and try being in charge of a preschool class for a few day! and had lots of good times with friends in the middle of it all! i love it there

• spent one more summer traveling with my family.

• met jessica, ben, jen, and mel! how crazy is that, that i didn't know any of them at the beginning of last year? it's kind of exciting to think about what could happen now this year too.

• moved into a hall with a bunch of amazing girls!

• got to lead a getting started group with kaitlin!

• started going to the same school as nathaniel again!

• took lots of wonderful picnics and an amazing road trip to MI with some of my favorite people!

• got to bring friends home lots of times...even 10 once!

• still get to go to church with two of my favorite families and even got to start taking some friends from school with me!

• got the chance to lead a discipleship group of 8 great girls and the chance to be in a group with 7 other girls who have taught me so much about God this year!

had one of the best and hardest semesters of my life thus far. this last semester was really hard at some points...times with friends were really difficult in some ways, but as cliche as it sounds, those are the times when God has taught me the most. pain is a good attention-grabber and i've learned a lot this year. i'm really thankful for that!

it was also the best semester i've had in that i've gotten close to so many people that i love at school and even been able to be home a lot too. i've never gone back to the same group of friends at school before because of moving and graduation and stuff and that was a definite blessing this year. it's been so good spending time with a few close friends too...God has given me several friends that know me better than very many people ever have and i get to live with them and hang out with them a lot...i have journal entries i can look back at where i was asking God to send me someone at school that i could talk to about things and He's provided way more than one person!!! it's been good and i'm excited about 2007!